


your ashes fly with the wind

by aethkr



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: ;-;, Angst, F/F, Letter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 06:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15137435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aethkr/pseuds/aethkr
Summary: When Yoshiko died, Riko tried to reach for the heavens but ultimately fails.She wishes the words she whispers will reach Yoshiko's ears. She wishes, because there's nothing else she can do.





	your ashes fly with the wind

Dear Yocchan,

 

              How are you? Are the skies treating you well? Are you okay? Are you happy? I am, but they say I’m not. I really am! I’m happy that you’ve reached a better place. I’m happy that you won’t be suffering anymore. I’m happy that the person I love is okay. I’m happy that you’re one with the heavens you wanted to reach. I’m happy that the gods accepted you again. I’m happy you’re happy. That’s all I need.

              But that’s what I want to think. I want to say that I’m happy for you. I want to say that I’m proud of you. I want to say that I will miss you, and I will move on. I want to say that I’ll be able to let go. When you were tucked in that hospital bed, you were crying. You always wished to be home. Home was the heavens and I’m glad I was able to help you settle down before you left. You were holding my hand too. Yocchan, did you notice yourself through your tears?

              You were smiling.

I was only a mortal, but my heart reached for yours. Our love was forbidden you said, but you kissed me so many times with so much passion that it made me love you more. Every touch, every smile, every kiss, every word. I will etch it into my head and never forget you. You told me that I should remember you. You told me that you didn’t want to be forgotten. I promised you that I wouldn’t.

And yet Yocchan, sometimes I wish I just forget. I really hated seeing you go. I really hated watching the staff try to bring you back to life and they failed. I despised hearing the beep I’ve grown to latch onto for hope become never-ending. I loathe the thought of saying goodbye. It bothers me that I couldn’t do anything but watch. I watched in horror as your eyes shut. I watched in horror as your chest no longer moved. I watched in horror as the angel I grown to love be taken away. I watched, Yocchan. I watched.

              Will you forgive me? Will you hate me for not being able to spot the signs before? Will you hate me because I wasn’t smart enough to see you suffering? Will you hate me because you have a right to be here and it’s been stolen from you? Will you hate me because I wasn’t able to come to the heavens with you like we promised? Will you hate me because you went first when we wanted to go together? Will you no longer love the person who left you to die? I only watched, after all.

              I love you Yocchan. I love how worried you get over the simplest of things. That shows how caring you are. I love how compromising you are. It shows how serious you are about us. I love you Yocchan, for being who you are. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you. No one will ever replace you and I’ll be damned if that was proved otherwise. Yocchan, I wish you were here with me. I wish, even for just an hour, you can be beside me. I wish I can lean on you. I wish I can hug you. I wish you’re here.

              I hope the skies treat you well. I hope that the afterlife treats you well. I hope that the gods who have banished you before accept you and love you. I hope that you will be loved up there Yocchan, because you are already loved here.

              I remember seeing you for the first time and thinking how weird you were. I thought of you as playful and only having a child-like sense of thinking. You didn’t know how to mature out of your persona. I was so wrong back then. If we, no, _when_ we meet again I give you the permission to hit me because of that. When I learned more about you, I realized that your persona was your way of coping with loneliness. I realized that you were mature, and you would be a perfect wife. I learned that you were the best friend I have ever had and I miss you so much.

              You told me that you were a fallen angel but to me, you were not. You were the parts of me I never knew would fit so well. You were the side of me that I never discovered. You were the person I never knew would become my girlfriend. You were Yoshiko, an amazing girl with a splendid personality.

              Now, I’m at home. I’ve dried up my tears and started to write. Writing isn’t something I’m good at, but it’s worth a try. Yō and Chika are doing their best to cheer me up, but it’s never the same without you. Hanamaru and Ruby are devastated, but they are doing what they can. Kanan, Mari, and Dia are also just as devastated. You can see the tears behind their smiles. They’re being so strong for us, a part of me feels guilty for it. They told me that I shouldn’t worry since they’re older and we’re their ‘responsibility’ but sometimes when they think no one else is around, one of them cries. We all miss you Yocchan. Aqours isn’t the same without you.

              Your funeral is over now. I remember a time once, you told me that if you die, I shouldn’t come near your body. I felt offended, why _wouldn’t_ I go near you? Don’t you want me to be able to see you before you go? You smiled, god that smile, all I could think was how much I love you. You smiled and there were some tears forming in your eyes.

              I shouldn’t go near you, because your hand wouldn’t be able to wipe my tears anymore.

              And you know Yocchan? You were right.

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Love,

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Riko

**Author's Note:**

> Have a fun tidbit about me, I didn't cry while writing this.
> 
> But not even a minute after I finished, the tears wouldn't stop.
> 
> * * *
> 
> [Tumblr](https://aethurankr.tumblr.com/), if anyone's interested.


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